Combating Feelings of Failure in Your Weight Loss Surgery Journey
Undergoing weight loss surgery is a major step toward a healthier life, but the path afterward is far from easy. Many of us hit roadblocks that make us feel like we’ve failed. The scale isn’t moving fast enough, we struggle with cravings, or we’re not meeting expectations we set for ourselves. These moments can be overwhelming, but we’re here to tell you that you’re not alone. We've been through it too, and we know what it’s like to feel stuck.
In our latest podcast episode, we sit down with Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in bariatric therapy, to discuss these feelings of failure and how to overcome them. Ashlyn brings a wealth of knowledge about the mental health struggles that often accompany the weight loss journey. Listen here for her advice, and in the meantime, check out our tips below for navigating the tough times and finding strength in your progress.
Table of Contents
Acknowledge Your Feelings – They’re Valid!
Set Realistic Expectations
Celebrate Non-Scale Victories
Avoid Comparison Traps
Surround Yourself with Support
Remember: You Are Not Your Setbacks
Seek Professional Help When Needed
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings – They’re Valid!
The first thing we want to tell you is this: It’s okay to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even like a failure sometimes. These emotions are valid, and they don’t make you weak or less capable. Often, we beat ourselves up for having setbacks, thinking we should be stronger or more disciplined. But part of this journey is recognizing that the emotional challenges are as real as the physical ones.
Kellie: “I remember hitting a plateau and just feeling completely defeated. I thought, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why isn’t this working?’ It wasn’t until I accepted that this feeling was normal that I started to move forward.”
Instead of pushing your feelings aside, give yourself the space to feel them. Journaling, talking to a friend, or even allowing yourself to cry can be a release. Once you’ve acknowledged those emotions, you’ll be in a better place to address them. It’s a way of telling yourself, ‘This is hard, and it’s okay that I’m struggling right now.’
2. Set Realistic Expectations
We’ve all been there – stepping on the scale after a week of hard work and not seeing the number we were hoping for. Weight loss after surgery isn’t always linear, and it’s important to set realistic expectations. The truth is, your body is adjusting to a lot of changes, and the pace of weight loss will fluctuate.
Mel: “Before my surgery, I had this idea that I’d be dropping pounds every week like clockwork. But the reality hit me – there were weeks where the scale didn’t budge, and I felt like I was doing something wrong. Ashlyn helped me realize that my expectations were out of sync with the process.”
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You’re not just losing weight – you’re also healing, building new habits, and working on your relationship with food. Your journey is about progress, not perfection. Set smaller, more achievable goals along the way, and don’t forget to celebrate each one. Whether it's getting through a workout or eating mindfully for a day, those are wins!
3. Celebrate Non-Scale Victories
It’s easy to become fixated on the scale, but the number on the scale is just one piece of the puzzle. Some of the most important changes you’ll experience aren’t reflected in your weight. Maybe you have more energy to play with your kids, or your clothes fit better, or you’ve finally mastered meal prep.
Non-scale victories (NSVs) are essential for keeping your motivation alive. These milestones often come when you least expect them, but they’re the real markers of your success. Some examples include:
Increased endurance during exercise
Improved sleep quality
Better mental health and reduced anxiety
New confidence in social situations
Mel: “One of my favorite NSVs was when I was finally able to sit comfortably in a restaurant booth. It’s something I had struggled with for so long, and that moment meant more to me than any number on the scale.”
Celebrating these wins helps shift your focus away from the number on the scale and reminds you that your body is changing in many positive ways.
4. Avoid Comparison Traps
Let’s be real – it’s so easy to scroll through Instagram or Facebook and see other people’s dramatic transformations. Social media is full of “before and after” posts, and it can feel like everyone else is crushing their goals while you’re struggling. But here’s the thing: comparison is the thief of joy.
Kellie: “I used to get so caught up in comparing my progress to others. It felt like everyone was losing weight faster than me, and it made me question my efforts. But I’ve learned that every body is different, and everyone’s journey looks unique.”
Everyone’s body responds differently to weight loss surgery, and you might not see the same results as someone else at the same stage. That’s okay! Your progress is your own, and it deserves to be celebrated, no matter what someone else is doing. The next time you catch yourself comparing, remind yourself that you’re working hard, and that’s what matters most.
5. Surround Yourself with Support
Having a solid support system can make all the difference when you’re feeling down. Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends, family, or bariatric community when things get tough. People who understand the ups and downs of weight loss surgery can offer insight, empathy, and encouragement.
Mel: “There were times when I wanted to give up, but talking to others who had gone through the same thing kept me grounded. Hearing their stories reminded me that I wasn’t alone.”
Support groups, whether online or in person, can be especially helpful. Knowing that others have experienced similar setbacks can bring you comfort and remind you that you’re not on this journey alone.
6. Remember: You Are Not Your Setbacks
It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, especially when you’re not seeing the progress you want. But you are not defined by your setbacks. In fact, setbacks are a normal part of any weight loss journey.
Kellie: “I’ve had moments where I felt like giving up because things weren’t going as planned. But I’ve learned that setbacks don’t mean failure. They mean I’m human, and this is part of the process.”
When you hit a rough patch, try to reframe it as a learning experience. Ask yourself what you can do differently next time, or what this setback is teaching you about your body and mind. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress, and every challenge you overcome builds resilience.
7. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to push through, the feelings of failure can become too overwhelming to handle on our own. That’s when it’s time to seek professional help. Therapists, especially those who specialize in bariatric patients, can provide the guidance and tools you need to manage the mental and emotional side of your journey.
Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes shared with us that it’s completely normal to need extra support during this process. Therapy can help you work through the deeper emotions behind your weight loss struggles, whether it’s past trauma, self-esteem issues, or disordered eating habits. There’s no shame in asking for help – in fact, it’s a sign of strength.
If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, reach out to a licensed therapist, like Ashlyn, who understands the unique challenges of weight loss surgery. Professional support can make all the difference in getting you back on track and helping you feel empowered again.
Final Thoughts
We know that this journey is hard. There will be days when you feel like throwing in the towel, but we’re here to remind you that you are stronger than you think. Setbacks don’t define you – they’re just stepping stones toward your ultimate goal. Whether it’s through listening to our podcast, talking to a therapist, or surrounding yourself with a supportive community, you’ve got the tools to keep moving forward.
Remember to check out our episode with Ashlyn Douglass-Barnes, where we dive even deeper into managing feelings of failure and finding strength in your journey. Listen here.